


Can’t kill the dead

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: F/M, Necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally, a <i>perfect</i> way to get around the Toki curse.<br/>Someone encouraged me.  You can’t say things like this to me, because I’ll probably do them.<br/>Warning: Necrophilia</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can’t kill the dead

**Author's Note:**

> you’d think these guys would know about RealDolls, but noooo

Skwisgaar had insisted on going along. They agreed that Toki needed some kind of supervision if he was going to attempt dating again, and nobody else would do it. _Especially_ not Murderface, not after what happened with the whole Ladymates fiasco.  
But Skwisgaar was quickly having second thoughts, a dating place that looked like an abandoned warehouse wasn’t encouraging. He hadn’t asked the name, but if it turned out to be called Date-a-Roonie he was fucking leaving.

“So Toki, how does dis place work? I can just picks up a spares for you if you needs me to, you knows dat.”  
“I don’t wants your spares!” Toki located the buzzer and pushed it. Too late now!  
The door cracked open, and a man ion a suit peered out. “Yes?”  
“I gots an appointment for a dates.” Toki saw the man glance suspiciously as Skwisgaar. “Don’ts worry, he’s with me.”  
With a disapproving look, they were ushered inside. 

The man relocked the door and sat at a small desk beside it. He motioned toward the center of the room where there was a small table under a single light. On the table was a book, or maybe a photo album.  
“Oh boy!” Toki hurried over and sat in the provided chair, pulling to book closer to him.  
“How does dis even works?” Skwisgaar didn’t see any sign of ladies, shouldn’t there be ladies?  
“I just picks the one I wants and they does the rest!” Toki started flipping through the book.

Lacking a seat or anything to look at in the dark and barren space, Skwisgaar moved to look over Toki’s shoulder. The book was filled with large photos of ladies, they were all naked. They were all.... asleep? “Toki, what ans dis place called?” Something was suspicious about all this.  
“GravesMates, I tries to tell you that befores.” He kept flipping.  
“I don’ts know how to be telling you dis, but I t’ink... all dose ladies ams dead?”  
“No shits. If they’s dead I can’ts kills them, duh.”

Skwisgaar couldn’t say he’d never ended up with a dead body, when you gave GMILFS that much pleasure sometimes their poor little hearts couldn’t handle it. But they’d all been alive when he started, that was the difference. Toki was _choosing_ to fuck a dead body. Some of them were pretty hot, but he preferred his bedmates _alive_. This was just creepy.  
But if Toki really did have a death curse (instead of just really rotten luck) then maybe this was the responsible thing to do? He wasn’t really one to judge what anybody did in bed.

“Mr. Guy! I picks one!” Toki had made his selection.  
The man, whatever his name was, got up and walked over. “This one? Very well.” He pulled out a tiny walkie-talkie thing. “Prepare number 36 for delivery.”  
“So whens I gets her?”  
Moving back to his desk, the man checked his scheduling book. “Let’s see, we can put you down for Tuesday between 8 and 2, is that acceptable?”  
“Yeah, that’s fines!” Toki made a thinking face. “How longs does she last?”

There was a spiel for that. “Thanks to our special top secret preservative, all dates are guaranteed fresh and flexible for a full month! With proper care, your love may last even longer. When your date is no longer up to acceptable standards, we offer free removal and a 25% discount on a future date. We are not responsible for accidental loss or dismemberment, that will void the contract, so please use responsibly. Thank you for choosing GraveMates, we look forward to doing business with you again.”  
Toki gave him a check, and they were ushered out.

Skwisgaar was still trying to process it all. “You just buys a dead body. For sexes.”  
“Yeps!”  
“Ja, dat’s not creepy at alls...”  
“I’s being responsibles! This way nobody gets hurts. But I’s not sharing, you gots to buys you’s own!”  
“I t’inks I ams goings to pass on dat one.”

***** sometime after Tuesday *****

Toki was having fun with his date, who he’d named Claire. Not just sex fun either, he also liked to brush her long red hair and dress her in pretty underwear that had come as part of the deal. Just for kicks, he once dressed her in Skwisgaar’s clothes and took photos. The pants was far too long for her, so it wasn’t a great look.  
She didn’t mind, Claire was the best girlfriend ever! Even if she couldn’t actually give a decent blowjob. That had been one of the first things he’d tried, and had decided not to try again.

Her temperature took a little getting used to, she was of course room temperature. The instructions said that warming her in a bath or a hot tub was acceptable, but it would shorten to “life span” of the product if done repeatedly. She was still guaranteed for a month, but Toki wanted her to last longer so he was trying to get used to the cooler version. It wasn’t _bad_ just very different.  
Sort of refreshing actually, like diving into a cool lake on a warm day.

The others had insisted on seeing her, of course they were curious. Toki made sure Claire was dressed, brushed, and propped against the wall before he introduced them, then invited them to his room.  
Skwisgaar just leaned on the doorframe, having no apparent interest in taking a closer look.  
Nathan hung back as well, seeming the most bothered by the situation. As usual when he was unsure of himself, he said nothing at all.  
Pickles and Murderface wanted a closer look, Murderface in particular looked intrigued.

Toki sat beside her protectively. “Guys, this ams Claire. She’s the bestest girlfriend ever!”  
Pickles response was to pull out a drumstick and poke her in the side with it. After all, that _was_ what you did to dead bodies...  
“Pickle!” Toki slapped the stick away, it clattered into the corner. “No touchings!”  
“Alreet, you don’t hafta git all upset ‘bout it!” He shrugged and went to retrieve his stick.

Murderface was peering closer. “Toki, can I juscht try her?”  
“Noes! Go buys you’s own girlfriend!”  
“Well how do I know if I’d like it if I can’t schample it firscht? I don’t want to waschte my money.”  
"Fucks you, Moiderface! Claire ams _mine_!” Toki pulled her closer and kissed he on her cool, slack lips.

“Urgh...” There was a grunt, then heavy retreating footsteps as Nathan bailed.  
Murderface stomped out after him, Toki was being a dick and not sharing! No fair!  
Pickles was staring again, and so far Skwisgaar hadn’t moved. Toki broke the kiss and glared at them. “You meets her, now goes away and leaves us alone.”  
“Dood.... Can I watch?”  
“What the fucks, Pickle?!”

Pickles grinned. “I jest wanna watch, sahmthin’ I’ve never seen before. An’ I’m hiiiigh...”  
Toki considered it, they’d all fucked in front of each other at some point over the years. This wouldn’t exactly be new. What the hell, Toki shrugged and stripped off his shirt. Skwisgaar was still standing there. “Whats, you wants to watches me too?”  
“Ja, sures, I gots not’ing betters to does. Gets on wit’ it.” He stayed where he was, still leaning on the doorframe.  
Pickles hopped up on the desk and perched like a tiny dreadlocked gargoyle.

Toki moved Claire, laying her gently down and fanning her hair across his pillow. He took off his boots, hesitated, then fuck it, nothing they hadn’t seen before, his pants. Like Skwisgaar, he seldom wore underwear.  
They watched closely as he carefully undressed Claire, kissing her firm flesh as he went. He massaged her tits, showing them just how nice they were, then kissed her small nipples.  
Glancing at his spectators, Pickles was still grinning, Skwisgaar’s expression was unreadable.

He stoked his hands down Claire’s body, tracing her curves, then parted her beautiful legs. She was all his, his alone.  
Positioning himself, he slid into her with a groan of pleasure, she was amazingly snug and he’d come to savor her cool embrace. A beautiful, tight body and excellent tits, what more could any man want? He thrust away, there was no need to take his time when he could have more any time he wanted.  
And of course, no obligation to try to get her off, she didn’t mind. She was the best girlfriend _ever_.

Nuzzling her tits, Toki came. He kissed her tenderly and withdrew, sprawling on his back beside her and letting his skin cool. Hers of course, was always cool.  
Pickles started applauding and then gave Toki two thumbs up and left the room.  
Skwisgaar was _still_ just standing there. “Well dat was somet’ing I don’ts see everys day. Nots mine taste, but she seems to be workings for you.”  
“I loves her, Skwisgaar.”  
“Ja, I can sees dat.” He finally turned and left the room.

Toki lay where he was, thinking. This had seemed like the perfect solution, but he hadn’t expected to really fall in love with Claire. Even though she of course couldn’t die, it was only a matter of time before he lost her. Even if he did everything he could, just a matter of time.  
He had to make ever second count then, make the most of it while he could. She was just so perfect that he could hardly bear it.  
Rolling toward her, he gathered her tight into his arms.

***** 7 weeks later *****

They realized they hadn’t seen Toki at all in a couple days, maybe longer but they only just realized he’d been missing. Before they could work out whether checking on him would count as caring, he wandered into the room and threw himself down on the couch. He looked like he’d been crying.  
“Toki, uh, how’sch life?” That wasn’t caring, that was just... being friendly. The others were nodding approval, Murderface had done well.  
“Terribles! Claire hads to leaves me.”

“Oh! Uh... Somebody else deal with this!” Nathan had never gotten completely comfortable with Claire, and had been the one to freak out when Toki tried to bring her in the hot tub that one time.  
“So yer dead girlfriend died?”  
“Pfft, way to be Mr. Sensitives, Pickle. Toki, you was tolds dat she was only for a whiles, you gots way longer dan dey saids you woulds! An’ you can gets anudder one now.”  
“I don’t wants another one! I wants Claire!” 

Charles came in, alerted to the drama. “Toki, come with me.” He knew Dethklok was about as useful as tits on a ceiling fan when it came to dealing with anything emotional. Not that he was much better, but he did try.  
In Charles’ office, Toki slouched into a chair.  
“Can I offer you anything? Sedation? Vacation?”

“I just needs time. Can I stays in here for nows?”  
“That would be fine. If I can’t get you anything, I’m ah, going to do some paperwork. If that’s alright?”  
Toki didn’t answer but turned sideways in his chair, sliding down until he was draped across the arms. He folded his hands over his chest and stared blankly in the direction of the ceiling.  
“Okay then.” Charles resumed his work.


End file.
